‘There’s that feeling when you finish a race, one that you have trained a long long time for. You come through the finish line and you stumble. As if that finishing arch has more power than just being the finish line. You go from holding yourself up straight and strong to suddenly needing people around you to help you walk. You’ve built up for that moment, and when it passes… you need a moment to pull it together. Not as much for the physical reasons, but the emotional ones.
I am just coming down off of that feeling, now that I have graduated, now that the teaching semester has ended. It’s been weird. While I am coaching and attending some nursing conferences and putting in some clinical time, it’s been weird. The ‘down time isn’t something I am comfortable with. I am used to burning the candle at both ends and drilling myself into the ground.
And I have lost that battle a thousand times, so this time I am aware of it. I won’t be doing that again, or anymore.
My biggest focus has been on my health and on building off of the good base I protected through grad school, but this time around it’s all free of the data and technology that’s ruled my athletics for so long. When I wake up in the morning I see how I feel, consult with Curt and create the day’s training. I spend about 2 hours on my bike each day, my cross bike. Exploring the trails. Just riding. Luc has been helping me build up my run miles in preparation for the Philly Marathon this fall.
Running with him is an absolute gift. It’s time spent together you can’t get anywhere else. Our runs are usually quiet. I run behind him and we both get lost in that meditative feeling you get while running. We track miles but that’s it.
I am out on the SUP almost every day, and for now that’s my swimming. I will get back to the pool when I get back to the pool. That feeling of desiring to compete is there, and I will feed it in due time. Right now I am just letting things happen as they happen.
I am allowing time to take time as I think about new opportunities or growing my present ones.
Soon we will pack up and head to Lake Placid for a while. I have been looking forward to that ever since we left. Our athletes will join us and honestly, that feels like the best medicine for anyone recovering from being obsessively busy!
We will sit on the deck and drink morning coffee, ride our bikes until the sun goes down, swim in a beautiful beautiful lake surrounded by mountains and run along the rivers.
So that feeling of stumbling, of free falling, it’s coming to an end as my feet land on solid ground for the first time in what feels like forever, but is really three years. I still can’t believe it’s all over and I am being careful not to jump into the next big thing…. but to take a pause…. look around….. and enjoy this place right here.