Mary Eggers

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General

To cry

Have you ever cried after a run?

Not because you are sad, but because you are past what used to be your why. Because this time around it feels amazing to feel strong again, instead of feeling so weak even though you were strong.

Have you ever cried because it just felt good to run that far. Because you felt so much gratitude. Not because you are capturing the past, you are creating the future. This time you aren’t running to cope, you are running to create. Because the people you come home to, they know. They understand. They get you like no one else GETS you.

Between you and I….. that was me last night.

I live for this shit.

I live for that high.

I live for that feeling.

It’s been burning deep within me. The feeling that commands your attention and convinces you to follow your dreams regardless of how insane they are, how much you have previously denounced them, and how big they are. The one that doesn’t give one f*ck what others think of it, because your dreams are yours and as we have discussed before….. one person gets to write this story. That person is you.

I feel so deeply connected again to the people that are on this path with me. What seems so silly to those who aren’t on it are the ways in which I hold hands with the people I love so much.

As much as I tried to walk away… these are my people. This is my path and this is my life. I can pay attention to the dark souls, or I can spread the light one sun beam at a time.

Thank you for this one Michael N!

Thank you for this one Michael N!

I cried after I finished that run because it felt so damn good. These miles feel good. Easy is easy again and the path forward is not in question anymore. But this time it’s the experience I crave more than the podiums. In ten years I will look back as I look back ten years ago, and I remember the experiences we all created together.

I cried because I have been through some shit that took this all away from me. I have always been grateful for what I can do and where this body can take me and I have never taken that for granted. I abused the privilege a few times and I climbed out of the deepest physical hole I have ever been in.

I cried because …. because it makes me feel alive. I love being toe to toe with myself. I love getting to the very core of it all. I love peeling off my running shoes and seeing my bloody toes, not because I love the sight of blood, but because I didn’t feel a thing. I can bleed again and not feel it and that to me is a very strange form of freedom.

I cried because home gets to be home. And when I walk in the door they understand why the tears are there. They get it. They know. They are my people. This is my life. This life is the greatest privilege and I cried because that is never lost on me.

I cried because I miss the ones who aren’t here to share this. I cried because of all of it.

I hope today, that I get to cry again.

 

General

Home

While I love the adventure and summer travel, I love being home. It’s been seven days since we got back for good. It’s been wonderful to sleep in my own bed, and get back to the early hours of my day. There is just something about watching the sunrise from my back deck over a good cup of pour-over dark roast, dog at my feet, with the air feeling a touch more crisp.

I have two weeks left in my summer vacation, and things are beginning to ramp up. I accepted a faculty position at a college 5 miles from my home, and I will be teaching content in their nursing program that is relatively new to me (as far as teaching goes). I am going to be teaching Psychiatric / Mental Health Nursing, which is intriguing to me. I used to say that as a Pediatric Emergency Nurse, that I was not a psych nurse. But you can’t separate the two. If someone has a cast on their arm you know they have an injury. Those who suffer from depression, bipolar, etc., there is no cast. There is great stigma and judgment. We care for these patients on the medical side and tend to ignore their psychological needs.

This year I get to begin contributing to changing that. It gives me great purpose. In my life I feel the need to have purpose in everything I do, so it’s felt like a perfect fit. I am excited about this next chapter and so grateful to the colleagues and students I am leaving. They truly were the ones who prepared me for this next step.

With this change, I have added about 2 hours back into my day, and my new schedule is amazing. On paper, it appears as less time at work, but in the world of teaching, there is a great amount of behind the scenes work. Kind of like coaching.

I have loved being an athlete again and as I move into this new role there is room for it. As I travel towards this Ironman I want the journey to be more meaningful than just checking boxes for swim bike and run. That’s how I have always been, although I have allowed myself to be talked into diluting that in the past.

My journey is more than about heart rate and wattages and selfies on Instagram. There will come moments that I remember forever. Once I passed out in a Victoria’s Secret dressing room after bonking post long run. Another year we rode 200 miles somewhere in Ohio and swore we were being followed by a tornado, forcing us to come up with our Tornado escape plan (there were no tornados). Or the time I told Bill that the canal is higher when it’s full. The time I picked up Peele on his long ride after he literally shat himself.

Those are the experiences I cherish so much when chasing Iron. They don’t always have to happen chasing it but it just so happens that anyone and everyone around here is signed up for 2018. It is going to be a lot of party and a little bit of race. That….. that’s what I love to experience.

I was wondering how I would feel a few weeks removed from signing up. I have done Ironman enough times to know when the time is right to take it on again. Apparently I also know when it’s time to retire and when it’s time to never say never.

You see, it’s easy to sign up. Anyone can do that. Many do. But these things are not built in June. They are built at dark o’clock on a wintry weekday in the deep of winter. When the wind is howling and you are grinding away on your trainer. That’s when it happens.

The feeling hasn’t worn off. In fact it’s led to dreaming, and that is freaking exciting. We are already planning long ride adventures, meet ups for long runs. We are plotting how we will incorporate skiing and avoid passing out in lingerie stores again.

There are a lot of new people on this journey and that’s the part I am most excited about. I want to share the experiences, share the miles, share the stories. A year from now I want a new year filled with “Remember that time we…….”

This feels right. That’s how I know it’s time to do this all over again. I have a lot of new things coming up that will help me avoid the alluring trap of thinking of nothing but this race. I have new content to master, a new school to learn, new everything.

My style of capturing all of this isn’t a selfie on Instagram, it’s here (if your IG is your way, GO WITH IT!!!!). It’s long form so I can go back and read these adventures the weeks before we toe that starting line. Writing is my thing and old school or not, it’s my passion and my way of savoring and sharing.

Being home has me again feeling grounded, and ready to begin creating these experiences. I hope you will come along!