Mary Eggers

Date archives April 2017

General

The path

There is a difference between living at your edge and finding your edge.

There is a difference between looking and seeing. Between listening and hearing.

There is a difference between forcing and working.

When you are on the path to growth, resistance is inevitable.

It is in these moments that real growth occurs. It is in our greatest moments of pain, that we find the courage to change. Pain is one of the greatest catalysts. For many, it is THE catalyst.

The hard part about it is that there is no instruction manual. We have to figure it out. We have to get messy and risk being sloppy. We have to stand at the edge of that diving board and not think, we just have to jump. We have to risk losing it all in order to find it all.

We have to have blind faith in something we are not sure of and trust that it will all be okay on the other side. Even though we can’t be certain that it will be.

That….. all of the above…. is what I love, and what I crave. It’s terrifying yet exhilarating. As I said, an instruction manual doesn’t exist. People have made millions telling you that one does. It’s your heart plan, or your dream plan, or whatever self-labeled dream guru wants to charge you three mortgage payments so you can attend their conference and hear about. You don’t need them. You don’t need their fire pit or their free PDF chart (free with conference registration).

You have everything you need. You have everything you have ever needed. You have it right now.

Don’t give that kind of power to anyone else in this world. It’s yours. You have the power and the ability to steer this ship. If you give them that power then you give up your own. You buy into their way of thinking and you ignore your own true north.

Don’t fear feeling lost, you have to be lost to be found. And guess who finds you?

You do.

You are the only one who can.

So get clear. Clear out the bullshit story that you are broken, or you are not good enough, or that you are not smart enough, not thin enough, not whatever enough. This is 2017 and we don’t buy into that kind of story anymore. Clear it. Land the plane, turn the page, hell…  close the damn book and light it on fire.

You get one shot at this thing called life, do not waste it trying to live anyone else’s dream, anyone else’s message, anyone else’s plan. Get clear. Get quiet and follow your gut instinct. It’s not wrong. It never was. You were just somehow led to believe that it was.

I am calling bullshit on all of that.

You do have a dream. You do have a calling. No one else can tell you what it is or how to go after it. You have to work the process. You have to let the process work you, twist you, wring you out, and leave you in a heap on the floor. In those quiet moments of defeat, in those moments of rock bottom, in those moments of your greatest pain and “I don’t know where to go from here” I promise you the answer will not appear. It will hit you in the head, like a freaking brick. Be conscious enough to see it coming and be willing enough to listen.

You are your own guru. You are your own true north. You are the one who gets to captain this ship. Follow your gut and your heart with reckless abandon, heart and arms open, and see where it takes you. I can tell you from experience, it will take you forward. It will hurt before it heals. Don’t stop believing. Don’t give up on yourself. Believe in yourself more than anything in this world. Fall. Get up. Fall. Get up. Fall. Get up.

You will get there. We will get there. Know that I hold space for you, and I know you hold space for me. We don’t get there alone, even if it feels that way at times.

Hear instead of listen.

See instead of look.

Work instead of force.

See resistance as opportunity in disguise.

And above anything else…… believe in who you are. With relentless abadndon.

 

General

Forward

I am excited. About a lot of things. Really fun things on the horizon, and happening right now. It’s been a tough semester (because now I group my life into semesters for both work and school).

The beacon of light for me this semester has been our Lake Placid Camp in June. The mere thought of riding through the beautiful mountains has me weak in the knees. Waking up and having coffee on the deck overlooking Whiteface….. has my heart. Once that moment can happen, I can relax.

Before that I am finishing my final semester of grad school and walking across the stage. Earning my masters of Nursing Education was something I never really thought I could do (never mind while being mom, wife, working full time, running a business, working per diem in Peds ED , teaching yoga and staying fit). I have had a lot of help and a lot of support along the way. Curt and Luc have been the wind beneath my wings. I haven’t missed anything in terms of family…. I don’t even know how.

Long ago I gave up the idea that life should have this magical zen balance to it. It doesn’t exist. I don’t roll out of bed into a morning yoga practice drinking a kale smoothie with my dog sitting at the edge of my mat. It’s a lot messier than that. Try dragging my ass onto my bike at 4am coffee in hand and hanging on for dear life.

If you learn to exist in chaos, learn to stand in the eye of the storm…. then you will be fine. Trust me.

Because one Masters degree isn’t enough…. I am beginning my Family Nurse Practitioner to Doctorate track this coming September. Lucky for me this Masters placed me 3/4 of the way through the FNP. So I am ahead of the game!

Marathon training is coming along great. I am up to 20 miles a week, nice and easy. I am on the bike almost daily and now that spring has sprung I am on the cross bike. WHY didn’t I get a cross bike sooner? I have even signed up for Mountain Biking 101. I have a great mountain bike, but please…. I am a poser. Thanks to Alexa’s help I have flat pedals on the way, and I will master the dirt. We have SO many mountain bike options around here and frankly…. I am tired of the roads. I have ridden them SO. DAMN. LONG. More than that….. I am tired of my friends getting killed.

Share the damn road. Look the hell UP when you are driving. I am tired of it.

At 43 years old I am DIGGING learning new skills and new things. Since I turned 40 I have added speed skating, cross country skiing, downhill skiing, cross biking, paddleboarding…. and more. I love the feeling of mastery. I love getting out there and falling flat on my ass. It’s when we fall that we get back up.

Between all of this, paddleboarding, my athletes completely rocking what they are accomplishing, our students graduating, watching Luc continue to beat the odds with hard work and passion for what he does, and so much more to come……. the future looks good.

I work my ass off to allow myself to never live in the past. Between mistakes I have made, losses I have been through….. the past is an easy place to get stranded. Memories of people, moments and lessons can grip you forever and not allow you to move forward.

I think of people, memories, and lessons as charms that we put on our life bracelet. We take them with us wherever we go, but we can’t have them back. We cry, we mourn, we wish….. but we have to let them go. We have to let them guide our future as it is now. Not then.

That’s what this learning is all about. Through new adventures (and education I suppose) I move forward, with my charm bracelet on, bringing all the beautiful things and people that are not with us anymore.

Because if all of those beautiful souls throught for a second that I couln’t move forward becasue of them, trust me they’d give me the biggest kick in the ass.

So forward we go.