Happy New Year! It’s been a while!
I have had a rough six weeks. I know I am often percieved as THAT person who is always positive, upbeat, happy, churning out inspirational quotes like it’s my job. And I AM that person. That’s the real me.
The real me also struggles like you do. The past six weeks that dark cloud has followed me. The one that casts a shadow not allowing you to feel like you. For no rhyme or reason at all. You feel guilty for feeling this way because nothing is wrong. Everything you have and everything you do is such a true gift, yet at the same time, you just feel this way.
This wasn’t my first rodeo. I knew what to do. Stay on target with training. Stay in touch with friends. Tell my family how I am feeling. No one ever needs to do anything different, they just need to know. That typically is enough to pull me out of it. This time it wasn’t.
I spent doing some really intensive hard personal work. The kind that peels you like an orange. The gut-wrenching soul-searching work that makes you dig and dig deep. I had to lean harder on people, and that’s difficult for me. I am the one others lean ON. I am the one who picks people up. Cheers them on. It’s hard to ask for help.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Asking for help is a sign of strength.
I knew when I asked it was a good sign. Those I leaned on let me lean hard.
And then…… like a storm passing….. the cloud lifted. As I headed out on a run one incredibly frozen morning, the sun was out and I felt it lift. The weight of the world was off my shoulders and for the first time in 6 weeks I could not just place one foot in front of the other, I would walk with flow again.
I can’t thank my family and friends enough. You helped me without even knowing you helped me. You don’t always need to do something significant. Just by being there helped so much. Just talking about the things we normally talk about, doing the things we normally do. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Training is going well as we move closer to Texas 70.3 in April and Ironman Lake Placid in July. This season I am coached by both Liz and Jen at Multisport Mastery / Jennifer Harrison Coaching. Under the guidance of these two I feel trusted and I feel guided. They have empowered me to trust ME again rather than coming at me with the typical “You know nothing, you never pace right, your system is wrong” theme I have felt with some others. As I am executing sessions I am doing so by perception and sending them all of the data. To hand that over is such a gift. Liz and Jen have been such a gift to me, I have known them a long time and I am so happy with my progress.
It feels good to be back in the thick of this type of training again. It means so much to me to be past the health issues that caused my retirement, to be trusting myself again and to be putting in some good solid hours.
Now more than ever, all of this feels like the greatest gift and privilege. I know I say that a lot. I know I am a broken record about it. But it’s what I feel and how I truly view all of this.
I also did a race! I got to race in an 8K snowshoe race last weekend and although it was 5 degrees, it was amazing. It felt so good to be out in those woods with such amazing people. It felt awesome to pin that race number on, and I get to do it again in just a few weeks.
In ten weeks I get to touchdown on the beach of Galveston, one of my favorite places to race. I am going with good friends and I can’t wait to feel the wind off the ocean as I ride. I can’t wait to taste that water and I can’t wait for that three loop amazing run course!!!!!
Thank you for allowing me to share real life with you. I am not here to be complimented on my abs, or some crazy race results. I am here because long ago I found a platform and I vowed to use this platform to share the real part of life. The good and the hard parts. I want you to know that we can get to the other side. I want you to know that yes, I struggle too. I want you to know that I also know when to reach out for help. That reaching out is again, a sign of strength, never a sign of weakness.
I want you to know that we are not meant to shoulder any of this alone. I want you to know that we don’t have to play “Whose life has been harder” or “Who has been through more sh*t”.
We are here to help one another through each day. We will do it in a perfectly imperfect. But we can do it.
I have never portrayed myself as someone who is infallable, who has it all together, who is stronger than anything that comes before her. I never will act like that’s who I am. The people who you percieve that way, trust me they are human too.
I will always share what is truly happening because it is my hope that not only can we do this together, but that you also can be strong enough to ask for help if you need it. Remember, it’s a sign of strength to ask. You’d be suprised how many people are not only here to take your hand, but who need you just as much as you need them.