I lost an incredibly important person in my life last week. My childhood friend Erika. It was absolutely devastating, and at the same time the past week has been beautiful.
As I sat in her funeral yesterday surrounded by friends who are family I just felt this sense of peace wash over me. It was that feeling of “It’s all going to be okay” intertwined with “What will you do now, with what you have learned?” meaning …what have I learned from Erika’s amazing life?
I left there and left OP with a renewed sense of purpose. A renewed sense of “I am not done yet” and also…. a very deep sense of connection.
You see…. Erika connected people. She kept me connected as I was the first to “run away” from all of it. Hell I essentially changed my whole name. But through her death I reached out, and it wasn’t hard. I held hands, I cried and I reconnected and I will never ever let that go.
The past few months have been a bit difficult for a variety of reasons. I lost my direction in some areas. I lost my sense of purpose, and my sense of needing to be growing instead of growing in age.
I am not done yet. None of us are. I have learned that when it’s our time it’s our time. We don’t get to have control over that so are we living today or are we waiting until our ducks are in a row to really live?
If I have learned anything from 40 years of having Erika in my life…. it’s that connections are important. Living is vital. Waiting is…. the biggest waste of time.
I don’t know how to navigate this world without her, at the same time I don’t think I am navigating without her. She’s here. She’s with all of us. The strongest person I have ever known, and that is one of the things I will carry forward from her.
But as I said….. this morning, I feel this crazy sense of peace and purpose (with tears mixed in of course). My sense of direction and purpose is distinct, clear and sharp, as if she has stepped in and cleared away all of the fog and uncertainty. I feel reconnection. I feel a deep love for this life and this world.
We have shit to do today gang. We aren’t alone in doing this. We have not been broken but strengthened. We don’t walk this alone, we walk it together. What we have been putting off we do. Today. Now. No holding back.
So YOLO my beautiful sister. I now have to start using a damn map instead of asking you where places are, or as you would say “Ask your iPhone!!!”, but I will do it with you in my heart. Always.